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Do you have issues with your no-longer-best girlfriend? Is your coworker driving you crazy? Megan Carpentier is here to give you the life advice that you don’t want to hear, told in the way you absolutely need to hear it.

A good friend of mine began seriously dating a very shy boy I knew from classes a while ago. At first, I acted happy for her, since I was certain it wouldn’t last long, but the first thing that bothered me was when he moved in with her. She’s a hardworking student, whereas he’d never (and still hasn’t) held a job in his life. At first I merely disapproved of the obvious codependency, but then, during a visit to her house, he began making crude remarks about their sex life. When she asked him to stop, he started hitting her in front of me! The more she asked him to stop, the more he hit her, until finally I broke out of my shocked stupor and intervened. After that, I wasn’t invited to her house ever again. When I asked her why not, she replied, “He’s just not comfortable with you around.” He’s not comfortable! The more that I hear about their relationship, the more I can’t believe what she’s putting up with! Not only does he physically hurt her, he insults her talents (she’s a great artist) and constantly tells her that she should be making more money. I tried telling her that, as a friend, I didn’t feel like he was good for her. She tried to change the subject, and when I wouldn’t let her, she left. I know it’s not my place to impose on anyone’s relationship choices, but it breaks my heart to see such a beautiful and talented young woman putting up a complete loser like that.

Look, there’s a big difference between a garden-variety loser who doesn’t deserve your friend and abuses her good nature, and a violent, insecure person that physically abuses your friend — and by belaboring the latter problem, you’ve put her in a defensive position over her “relationship choices” rather than forcing her to confront the fact that she’s dating an abuser.

Obviously, you weren’t keen on him or her dating him from the get-go: just look at how you described their relationship above (which, I’m going to guess, is pretty mild compared to what else you’ve said). Calling her co-dependent, describing him as a freeloader, referring to him as a loser and making it clear that you felt she was too good for them gave both of them an opening to dismiss you as judgmental and dismiss your concerns as unresolvable and biased against him. I mean, even after witnessing him physically abusing her, your complaints about him devolve back into how much better she is than him and how he’s not good for her, rather than the fact that you witnessed him abusing her.

The problem, of course, is that you’ve — in her mind — marked yourself as a non-credible narrator, and having complained about him being a freeloader and not good enough for her, you’ve given both of them a toehold to dismiss your quite-appropriate problem with the physical abuse and the belittling language and comments that are really bothersome.

And, in the mean time, the attempt to embarrass or belittle her by discussing their sex life with her friend, as well as the openness with which he laid his hands on her in anger in front of her friend indicate that the problem isn’t just that he’s a freeloader, or a loser, or shy, or pushy about her financial situation. When a relationship has reached a point at which the abuser is openly physically abusing his victim, that which goes on behind closed doors is probably worse than what you witnessed. And it’s not about judging her relationship choices — it’s about helping her see that she needs help.

But to help her see that, you have to admit that you’ve been too judgmental of her boyfriend for the wrong reasons, so that she can trust what you’re saying comes from a place not of disliking him, but of being worried — seriously, appropriately worried — for her and her health. The way to start a conversation is to sit her down in person (outside of their home and away from their boyfriend) and say, “It’s no secret that I’ve never been a fan of your boyfriend or your guys’ relationship. And I appreciate that, having been a bitch about him from the get-go, that it’s hard to listen to me now or trust my opinion. But I want to express to you how absolutely, utterly horrified I was the last time I was over and he first said those things about your personal life and then struck you when you objected. Anything I said about him being a loser or too dependent on you — that was me expressing an opinion that you could do better. This is me expressing my opinion that his behavior towards you is completely over the line, and that I am really, really worried about you. And this is me promising that I am here when you need to talk about that, and that I will shut my mouth about the things I didn’t like about him because the most important thing here is how much I care about you.”

And then focus your attention on her, on what she needs out of a relationship, what she’s getting out of the relationship with her boyfriend and what she needs to be able to get out — be that assistance, or assurance that there will be no I-told-you-sos. There’s some more professional advice about what loved ones can do to help out a victim of abuse — but you need to fix your relationship with her (and put her back on equal footing with you, rather than putting yourself above her) before you can help her get out of her relationship with him.

If you have a problem with a friend, relative, coworker, or other person in your life, email Megan at advice@thegloss.com. If you have a problem with your boyfriend, you should probably just try talking to him.

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Prince Charles is many things, but I don’t think anyone would call him a fashionista. However, he’s now giving fashion tips in an article in British Vogue, saying that people should wear more vintage clothing instead of buying new. The Prince, who is a conservationist and active in environmental charities, believes that if more people wore used clothing it would be a great way to cut down on textile waste. The production of new clothes also requires using many natural resources in processes from creating to shipping.

So, what do you think? Will Prince Charles inspire you to change your look, or would you rather not take advice from a guy who wears frumpy suits?

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A grankini, quoth the Daily Mail, is a bikini worn by someone ostensibly old enough to be your grandmother. Of course, the photo they used to illustrate this story is Helen Mirren. I have to say, Helen Mirren looks way better in a bikini than plenty of women half her age, so I don’t love the way that a whole new term has to be invented just because women like her are – gasp! – wearing a two piece bathing suit in public. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear it was invented by a marketing person as a way to try and sell swimsuits. Oh wait, what’s this? A mention in the article that people like Helen Mirren have spurred growing sales of bikinis to women over fifty? Color me surprised. Sometimes, if you can create a trend, you can also get people to follow it.

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Who’s seen the play Wicked? I’ve seen it 4 times! Other than loving the music acting and costumes… it’s my story!!! The Wicked witch of the west basically is so convicted to tell her’ truth when she does it she is outcasted by society and turned WICKED.”

I don’t know if everyone knew this, but Kanye is an animal rights activist with a type of skin discoloration associated with multiple organ failure. No. Wait. I think he might just be a loonbat who yelled at Taylor Swift.

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Michaele Salahi, who became the most famous cast member of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of DC when she and her husband crashed a White House dinner, is trying to make the most out of her fifteen minutes. She has just signed a deal to pose nude for Playboy. Though many ‘name’ celebrities don’t go completely naked when they appear in the magazine, Salahi will reportedly be going the Full Monty. Would you pay to see Salahi naked, or is this one issue you’re definitely planning to skip?

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Over at College Candy, there’s an article about letting friends go home with dudes from bars for drunken hook-ups. The author states that her friends would probably not intercept a potential one night stand, despite the fact that a recent survey from the National Institute of Alcohol reports that 39% of students would “persuade someone to not go by reminding her that she may regret it.” (unclear whether they only polled chicks or not, but it sounds like that might be the case).

Well, here’s what I think. I know that most of the time, your buddies are hoping to look out for your best interests. And sometimes they may be totally right. But I think some guidelines need to be established here — a drunken hook-up is generally a wonderful learning experience, and should only be intercepted by well-meaning friends under the following circumstances (and this applies whether you are in college or divorced at 60):

1. You can tell that your friend is too bombed to really know what she’s doing. You know her well enough, and if you’ve been drunk with her enough times, you know what this looks like. Don’t let her go if you think she’s blacked out or is really that drunk.
2. The guy is creepy enough to give you pause. Maybe he’s got crazy eyes, or maybe he just seems like a Van der Sloot in the making. In this case, it’s probably still a good idea to take your friend to the bathroom and try to talk to her about it — if you guys are tight enough, she’ll probably listen.
3. You overheard him saying something shady — he has a wife or girlfriend, or he said something degrading about your friend (or any other woman, for that matter). This also isn’t the time to pussyfoot around. Grab your friend by the arm and tell her exactly what he said.
4. You saw him put something in her drink. OBV. Also, tell the bartender and call the cops.

Whether she goes or not, the best way to ensure safety is to make her get his number and give it to you, and have her call you and check in. Or you can call her. Either way. Safety first. And use a condom. And keep those grades up.

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I don’t care if this does make me a fuddy-duddy. I totally agree with the message on this ad for Sparrow Guitars.

I mean, seriously! Playing guitar should necessitate a guitar. Bowling should necessitate a bowling alley. Tennis should necessitate a tennis court, and interpersonal interaction should necessitate talking.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my prune juice awaits.

[Via The Daily Wh.at]

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Every so often. I’m all, “I’m going to get really pretty lingerie and start wearing it every day, and feel beautiful under my clothes!”

Usually that lasts for about five mintues, and the furthest I ever get with it is finding a black bra and black undies that I already own and putting them on and feeling semi-put together for a short while until I totally forget about the whole thing.

But then I look at sites like Agent Provocateur, and I really wish that I had my shit together enough to actually rock some of these styles. Because seriosuly — how badass would you feel just walking down the street, knowing that you had something like this on that no one could see?

Maddy Suspender, $290

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Over the weekend, I went to a wedding, as did, I’m sure, many of you. The wedding was beyond fabulous. I am wildly jealous. But that aside, I noticed something shocking — there was a woman there, who was not the bride, who wore white. I don’t know her relation to the bride or groom, but there she was, boldly going where no (I thought!) wedding guest had ever gone before. And it wasn’t even an accident, like, “oh, I thought this was champagne!” She had a big white flower in her hair, as if to say, “I DARE you to call me out on this.”

Bold, right?? I was kind of floored, but maybe I’m just old-fashioned. And so I ask you: yay or nay on wearing white to a wedding?

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In an article in the Style section last week, the New York Times claimed that pride among women with more discreet tatas is suddenly on the rise:

Ellen Shing, the owner of Lula Lu, a Web site and boutique in San Mateo, Calif., that cater to AAA- to A-cup sizes…says that while a small number of her customers come in looking for padded bras and tell her, “Make me as big as you can,” the majority “don’t want to supersize themselves.”

A fascinating trend! And it doesn’t end there — it appears that these newfangled “social networking sites” have latched on as well:

These days, it’s not uncommon for women with modest busts to flaunt what little they’ve got with a deep V-neck cut or a halter top. And more small-chested ladies seem to be openly celebrating their look on Twitter, Facebook and various blogs.

In an article addressing the so-called trend, writer Jack Shafer on Slate.com contends that no such trend exists, and that the NYT was kind of making it all up:

The problem with these findings is that the Flat Chested and Proud of It! group has 93 members. Flat Chested Girls United has 337. That only 2,356 of 500,000,000 Facebook members have chosen to “like” the “flat chested girls are prettier!!” page would seem to argue against the very existence of flat-chested pride.

But I would argue that the only thing that’s bogus about the NYT article is that it’s not really anything new for grown-up women to love their small breasts. Most women over the age of 18 recognize that their sexual partners just like boobs, period, and it doesn’t really matter how big they are. Plus, not having to wear a bra is awesome, not to mention the fact that tons of fashion is best suited for women with small chests. And also, have you ever seen a model? You know, those women upon whom our societal beauty standards are based? Ever noticed their tits?

Yeah.

As to the Facebook groups…I mean, everything has a Facebook group. The difference “these days” isn’t that women with small knockers are more proud, it’s that anyone from uncles of girls to people with six toes can create an outlet to be loud and proud. Which is great. But I don’t think it speaks to a new feeling so much as a new platform for that feeling.

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