In the unlikely event you find a girl drunk enough to come
home with you, make sure your place doesn’t smell when you get her inside. This
doesn’t mean you have to scrub your toilets, counters and floors with toxic
chemicals in the vain hope that someday you’ll get lucky, however.
There are natural and inexpensive ways to clean up your
filth without releasing noxious fumes into the air.
You probably have a ton of cheap, natural cleaning products lying
around and you don’t even know it. For example, you can use lemons to clean
sinks and counters. Not only do lemons eliminate bacteria, but they also eradicate
the nasty odors associated with said bacteria.
Out of lemons? No problem. Baking soda is an excellent,
non-abrasive cleaner. White vinegar will kill mildew, club soda tackles carpet
stains, and you can even use a blend of baking soda and salt to clean the
inside of your oven. (That’s the metal thing with a door next to your fri -- never
mind.)
If you have a particularly vile toilet situation, and I’m
betting you do, just mix a little baking soda and vinegar together and use that
instead of the nasty toxic stuff hiding in the back of your bathroom cabinet.
If being green is not incentive enough, consider this: one
in three people suffer from allergies, asthma or some form of sinusitis. One of
the best ways to manage these conditions is to reduce exposure to synthetic
chemicals. (Oven and bathroom cleaners are some of the most toxic cleaning
products, BTW.)
If baking soda alchemy isn’t your thing, there are also some
great green cleaners on the market. Check out Method and Seventh
Generation.
You can usually find both brands at Target as well as many grocery stores.
Now quit wallowing in filth and self-pity and for the love
of god, start cleaning your kitchen. No one wants to smell that. Even your
roommate thinks you’re disgusting. And he drinks his own bong water.